I had an awareness recently that really stopped me.
What if some of the ways we talk to ourselves are actually a form of bullying?
I had never thought of myself as someone who bullied myself. I knew I could be hard on myself. I knew there were times when my thoughts weren’t particularly kind. But I had never put the word bullying around it.
Then I thought about what happens when someone is bullied.
One person takes the position of power, while the other begins to shrink.
And I realized I was doing that inside myself.
Every time I told myself I should be doing something I didn’t really want to do.
Every time I decided I wasn’t doing enough.
Every time I compared myself to someone else and came out on the losing end.
Every time I questioned my value because I wasn’t living up to an expectation—mine or someone else’s.
A part of me was standing over another part of me saying, you’re not good enough the way you are.
That realization changed something for me.
What Happens When We Make Ourselves Smaller?
Most of us would never intentionally speak to someone we love the way we sometimes speak to ourselves.
We would encourage them. We would remind them of what they do well. We would want them to know that a mistake doesn’t define them.
Yet when it comes to ourselves, somehow the rules can change.
We push.
We criticize.
We focus on
what we haven’t accomplished instead of acknowledging what we have.
And little by little, we can begin to make ourselves smaller.
But here’s the part I don’t want us to forget:
You matter.
You have gifts that no one else has in exactly the same way you do. Your presence affects the people around you. What you bring into this world matters.
When you continually diminish yourself, you’re diminishing the very person who is here to contribute those gifts.
Start Listening to the Voice Inside
I’m not suggesting that we suddenly have perfect thoughts about ourselves.
Perfection never brings peace.
I’m simply beginning with awareness.
Listen to the way you speak to yourself.
When something doesn’t go as planned, what do you say?
When you look in the mirror, what do you notice first?
When you’re tired and don’t accomplish everything you intended, do you allow yourself to be human—or immediately start telling yourself what you should have done?
And when you notice yourself becoming the bully, maybe that’s the moment to choose something different.
Not something fake.
Not words you don’t believe.
Just something that doesn’t make you smaller.
Maybe:
I’m doing the best I can today.
I still matter even when I make a mistake.
I don’t have to diminish myself to grow.
I can speak to myself with the same kindness I would give someone I love.
We don’t have to change everything at once.
We can begin by noticing our words.
Because if we’re going to make this world a kinder place, maybe one of the places we can begin is with the person we speak to all day long.
Ourselves.
Ready to Go a Little Deeper?
If you’re noticing patterns in the way you speak to yourself and would like some personal support, you can learn more about my Private Sessions and how we can work together.
Or, if you’d like something simple you can use on your own, visit Come Back to Center for tools to help you reconnect with a sense of stability within yourself.